


Knot

by ozuttly



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Consent Issues, Crest Worms, Family, Gen, M/M, creepy behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozuttly/pseuds/ozuttly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of unconnected one shots focusing on Kariya and his relationship to Tokiomi, Sakura, and Aoi. All but one are worksafe. Some include slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiomi's thoughts on Kariya.

Tokiomi had never understood it. He didn’t know why a man like Matou Kariya, the rightful successor to the Matou family’s magecraft, would refuse to take on his duties as the family head. It baffled him.

Ever since they were children, Kariya had been soft. He was never suited to be the head of the family; not with a personality like his. Rather, he was the kind of man who always put others ahead of himself; who focused on everybody’s happiness except for his own. The kind of man who had watched the woman he loved marry his friend without saying anything. The kind of man who continued to visit her and her children, all the while wearing a pained and heartbroken expression.

It confused him - the fact that Kariya would always swallow his own pain in order to please everybody else. When they were children he had been intrigued by that side of him, and had found it interesting to push the limits of Kariya’s endurance. He’d hold Aoi’s hand whenever the three of them were together, would drape his arm around her shoulders when she sat next to him, all the while watching Kariya’s face.

When was it, Tokiomi wondered, that he had grown to love that hurt and wounded expression that he tried desperately not to show? When was it that his interest in the other man had grown from simple curiosity to something more?

Tokiomi did not fancy himself a sadist. He did not get any joy from watching people suffer. Kariya was the only exception.

Perhaps it was because of his betrayal to the world of magecraft, and his lack of guilt for that betrayal. Perhaps it was because of the way that he steadfastly believed that by denying himself, he was ensuring the happiness of others. Or perhaps it was because of the way that he refused to begrudge the world for his own suffering, while happily living along in mediocrity even after abandoning his own responsibilities and the greatness that could have been his.

Whatever it was, Tohsaka Tokiomi could not help but feel disgusted by and intensely interested in Matou Kariya.


	2. Together Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiomi and Kariya share words as teenagers.

The three of them had always been together. Even back in junior high, he could remember that the two of them were always by his side – the woman he loved and the man he called his friend. The three of them were inseparable, and they always would be. That was what he believed.

He wasn’t sure exactly when it all changed. When he watched Aoi’s affections towards Tokiomi become more than just friendly, and when he began to feel like a third wheel. He wasn’t necessary anymore. It wasn’t the three of them anymore – it was the two of them plus him.

That wasn’t why he decided to leave. He told himself that her love for Tokiomi had nothing to do with his reasoning to abandon his family, that the relationship between the two of them wasn’t a betrayal. He told himself that, but he knew deep down that he was lying.

It was the day that he left that he was forced to face the truth.

“What are you doing, Kariya-kun?”

He was waiting by the bus stop, his bags in hand as he heard the familiar voice come from behind him. Despite himself, his back straightened as he turned around.

Tohsaka Tokiomi stood behind him, his posture calm and his eyes pleasant. Kariya found his face turning red as he looked back at him, quickly struggling to shove his bags behind his back. It was stupid. He had no reason to feel guilty, like he was a thief who had been caught red-handed. He was doing nothing wrong.

And yet, he still couldn’t meet Tokiomi’s gaze.

“I’m… I’m leaving.” He stared at his feet as he squirmed in place, eventually bringing up his eyes to focus on the ribbon tied at Tokiomi’s neck. He stared at the red of his jacket, the buttons on his shirt – everything except his face. The longer he avoided his eyes, the sillier he felt.

Tokiomi sighed. It was an exasperated sound, the kind of sigh that came from a teacher dealing with a particularly stupid student who couldn’t grasp a formula even after having it explained to them several times. Kariya disliked having that sigh aimed at him, could feel his cheeks reddening despite himself.

“You’re leaving… are you? I didn’t peg you for the type to run away, Kariya-kun. Is it really that hard for you, to know that Aoi and I are happy together?”

His words cut like a knife, and Kariya stiffened, his hands clenching into fists around the handles of his luggage.  
“No! If she’s happy, then that’s good enough for me!” His words felt fake and hollow even as they came out of his mouth, and he still couldn’t look the other man in the eye. “I… I’m leaving the Matou family. I’ve cut off all ties to my father and the world of magecraft.”

He saw Tokiomi’s posture change, ever so slightly, saw his back straighten, and finally he looked up and met his gaze. The other man’s eyes were cold, scrutinizing; the eyes of a butcher watching an animal prepared for slaughter. Kariya felt a lump form in his throat, and he had to swallow and look away. It was stupid. He had nothing to feel guilty for – he was making the right decision. And yet, he couldn’t stand to be looked at by his former friend with such a gaze.

“Why? You have the ability to become a stunning mage, given the practice.” It was a simple question, simply curiosity, and yet it was stated like an accusation. Kariya bit down on his lower lip as he felt anger bubble up inside of him.

“Why… Why wouldn’t I?” He finally looked up once more, dropping his bags to the ground as he pointed a finger accusingly at Tokiomi’s chest. This was stupid. It wasn’t Tokiomi’s fault. It wasn’t like he knew. “It’s disgusting! The way those people do things, the way they treat human beings! I don’t want anything to do with it!”

He could feel Tokiomi’s judging gaze on him, could feel the disapproval in that look. Luckily, the bus he was waiting for came lumbering up the hill at that moment, and he quickly turned away from that stare.

“…I’m sorry. I hope that you… I really do hope that you and Aoi are happy together.”

Kariya hoisted his bags up and turned away, climbing into the bus as it arrived. He remained completely oblivious to the way that Tokiomi’s eyes followed him, even as the bus disappeared over the hill once more.


	3. Inquiry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A three year old Sakura has a question.

“Ojisan, why do you always come visit us?”

Kariya paused half-way through his ice-cream to look down at the young girl sitting beside him, a serious expression marring her childish face as she stared down at her own ice cream cone. He frowned slightly as he considered her question, leaning back into the park bench as he furrowed his brow in thought.

“Why are you asking something like that, Sakura-chan?” He was confused, mostly, by the girl’s solemn and quiet demeanor as she kicked her legs back and forth and stared intently at the frozen treat in her hands. Why wouldn’t he want to visit her? After all, even though they weren’t his children, he still loved Sakura and Rin a great deal. Had he somehow done something to make her question that?

Sakura’s face turned the slightest shade of pink as she brought the cone to her lips, and she avoided answering him for a few moments. Kariya was beginning to think that he had upset her somehow, but then she finally opened her mouth once more.

“It’s just… Ojisan, you don’t like our father, do you?” The question caught him off-guard, and he was surprised when he saw her staring up at him imploringly. He hadn’t expected that – it was shocking how perceptive Sakura was, especially for a child her age. He had tried to keep his distaste for Aoi’s husband hidden, especially in front of their children, but it seemed that there was just no fooling the intelligent younger sister.

“Hmm… I wonder…” He leaned back once more, pretending to think on it as Sakura watched him expectantly. He looked down at her and smiled, ruffling her hair with his free hand, causing her to let out a startled noise at the contact. “That kind of thing doesn’t matter, does it? After all, I don’t come here to see your father. I come visit because I love you and Rin, and I have fun spending time with you. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

She looked up at him at that, tilting her head to the side for a moment before her face broke into a wide smile.

“Really? You really like spending time with us?” She sounded excited, and Kariya chuckled as he placed a hand on her shoulder, nodding his head.

“That’s right. In fact, spending time with you and your sister is my favourite thing to do, you know? So even if I don’t always get along with your father, I’ll always still come visit you.”

Sakura’s smile when he said that grew even brighter, and she giggled as she snuggled up to Kariya’s side, leaning against him and kicking her legs back and forth happily. Kariya couldn’t help but smile back and wrap an arm around her shoulders, until she suddenly stiffened and turned to look at him, her expression serious once more.

“Oh, but ojisan!” She exclaimed, pointing an ice-cream covered finger in his face as she tugged down on his sleeve to bring him down to her level. “If my father ever starts bullying you when you come visit us, you tell me right away! I’ll definitely come in and protect you.”

Kariya blinked, dumbfounded by her sudden outburst, but then he couldn’t help but laugh as he looked down at her, nodding his head.

“I see. Thanks, Sakura-chan.”


	4. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kariya attempts to give Sakura a present.

He was silent as she approached. For a moment she wondered if he was even still alive, as the rise and fall of his chest was so subtle. She placed the tray of food on the ground next to him and crouched down, watching him breathe.

It took him a good few minutes before he even realized that she was in the room with him, that he wasn’t alone anymore, and he smiled warmly up at her. She just stared back with blank eyes.

“Good morning, Sakura-chan.” He tried to hide the pain that he’s in, but it showed through his voice regardless. For a moment she considered telling him that it wasn’t morning anymore, that he’d slept for more than a day and a half, and that he hadn’t eaten in three. Instead, she nodded her head quietly and stood up. He reached out and grabbed her hand, stopping her, and she blinked as she looked back at him with curiosity.

“Ah… Sorry about that.” He quickly let go of her hand, his smile turning apologetic as she watched him curiously. “But you don’t need to leave right away, do you? Why don’t we spend a bit of time together?”

She should have refused him. She should have gone back to her own room and forgotten about him until the next time that she had to bring him his food. But for a young girl whose family had abandoned her, whose own father had sold her, this one man who showed her affection was something that she couldn’t give up. Even though she shouldn’t have enjoyed his attention, she found herself not wanting to leave the room after all.

He shifted and sat up with no small amount of effort, patting the floor beside him. She hesitated for a few seconds before she walked over and sat down beside him, leaning into him as he wrapped one arm around her shoulders. His hug wasn’t pleasant. He was skinny and all hard edges – no muscle or meat to him, and his grip was weak and frail. The other half of his body sagged uselessly as he pulled her in closer, and she rested her head against the side of his chest, listening to his rattling breathing. His hug wasn’t pleasant, but it was warm, and resting against him was somehow comfortable – she closed her eyes and clutched the fabric of his hoodie tightly in her hands.

He looked down at her and smiled, resting his head on hers and breathing in the smell of her hair.

“Happy birthday, Sakura-chan.” His voice was quiet, and she blinked. Was it her birthday? She didn’t think so. It wasn’t like it was something that she actually celebrated anymore, so it made sense that she had forgotten about it. She frowned and didn’t mention it as he sat up once more, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small, battered bracelet. It wasn’t anything fancy. She said nothing as he pulled it over her slender wrist, smiling as he did so.

“I’d wanted to give it to you sooner, but I never got a chance… I’ve been keeping it around, but it’s not exactly very pretty anymore.” He smiled and patted her on the head, and not for the first time since she’d come here, the young girl desperately missed her mother. But that wasn’t his fault.

She ran her fingers along the small purple stones and nodded her head, her voice coming out barely above a whisper.

“Thank you, Kariya-ojisan.”


	5. Best Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tokiomi and Aoi are getting married.

“We’re getting married, Kariya-kun.”

Aoi had looked so happy when she broke the news to him, oblivious to the way that his heart was shattered as she spoke the words. Tokiomi stood smiling at her side, her hand clutched lovingly in his as she showed off her lovely new ring. Her smile was warm and truly happy, however, and there was no way that he could begrudge her for her choice.

He simply smiled back at her, taking her hand in his.

“Is that so? I’m happy for you – I wish the two of you the very best.” He wasn’t lying. He really did want her to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. The way her face lit up with his blessing made his heart lighten, and it almost made the heartbreak worth it.

“I was hoping, Kariya-kun, that you would act as my best man at the wedding.” Tokiomi smiled as he spoke, his eyes warm as he pulled his wife to be closer to him. Kariya froze on the spot.

“Oh? That’s a wonderful idea, Tokiomi-san.” Aoi pulled her hand free and clasped them in front of her chest, turning to Kariya with pleading eyes. He didn’t have the heart to refuse her – he never had.

“Ah… I’d… I’d love to, if that’s what you want.” He tried to smile, but it came out broken. Aoi didn’t seem to notice as she turned around, clearly delighted by the fact that her two favourite men were going to be taking part in the most important day of her life.

***

Kariya fumbled awkwardly with the bowtie around his neck, looking in the mirror with a frown on his face. He wasn’t used to wearing such formal clothing – it felt stiff and strange, like being in an unfamiliar skin. He had been dreading this day for weeks, ever since he’d first agreed to take the role. Even now, he wasn’t sure if he would actually be able to do it, to stand down there beside Tokiomi as he married the woman that they both loved.

“It suits you, you know.” Tokiomi’s voice from behind him startled him out of his thoughts, and Kariya spun around to see the other man standing in the doorway, wearing his own tuxedo. Tokiomi always looked elegant and well-groomed, but he seemed to always be at his best when dressed formally. Kariya felt inferior standing beside him, and he shifted slightly under his gaze.

“Is that so?” Kariya mumbled under his breath, still trying to fix the bowtie. “It seems much more natural on you, though.”  
Tokiomi let out a sigh as he watched, stepping forward and shooing Kariya’s hands away as he began to fix the tie himself. This close, Kariya could tell that he was wearing a new cologne – something sharp and pleasant smelling. He closed his eyes for a moment as Tokiomi looked over his handiwork, making sure that the tie was straight. The two of them were silent then, listening to the bustling out in the halls as the rest of the wedding party prepared. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, surprisingly. What Kariya had been dreading the most since he agreed to be the best man was the awkwardness that would surely blossom between himself and Tokiomi during the ceremony, yet for some reason he couldn’t feel it.

Perhaps there was a part of him that honestly did want nothing more than for Aoi to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. Perhaps it wasn’t just something he was trying to tell himself.

“It’s about time that we should be going, isn’t it?” Tokiomi broke the silence first, and Kariya’s eyes snapped open when he realized that the other man’s hands were still at his throat, resting just above his chest. He nodded his head in agreement, but neither of them moved as their eyes locked.

There was another stretch of silence between them, before Tokiomi opened his mouth once more.

“…I’m surprised that you actually came through today, Kariya-kun. I was expecting that you would run away again.”

At first Kariya wasn’t sure what he meant by those words, and he looked up at Tokiomi with an expression of confusion on his face.

“I don’t understand you, Matou Kariya. You abandon your family and their way of life, and yet you force yourself to attend the wedding of a man that you hate and the woman you love. Your mental processes are baffling to me.”

His fingers trailed down past the tie, touching Kariya’s sternum. Tokiomi’s expression was concentrated, as though he had been given a complicated formula and was attempting to puzzle it out in his head. His finger slipped past the buttons of Kariya’s shirt, making the briefest contact with his bare skin.

Kariya pulled away quickly as though he had been burned, glaring at Tokiomi with a fierceness that the other man hadn’t even known that he possessed. Kariya quickly fixed his shirt, closing his eyes and exhaling as he turned away.

“…I want Aoi to be happy. If you’re what makes her happy, then I wish the two of you the best.” He headed towards the doorway, pausing for a moment with his hand hovering over the knob. “…But if you hurt her, Tokiomi, then I’ll never forgive you. Remember that.”

Tokiomi watched him leave, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he brought his hand up to his lips and inhaled.

He really would never understand that man.


	6. A Mage Before A Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kariya forces Tokiomi to feel the same pain he inflicted on his daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This piece contains sexual content of a non-consensual nature. It is not overly explicit.

“Can you feel it, Tokiomi? The pain that you inflicted on Sakura-chan for over a year?”   

The voice is cold and unfeeling, and it sounds like he’s hearing it through a filter. The words are distorted and twisted, and are almost drowned out by the crunching, slurping, chewing of the worms slowly devouring his flesh. He stares up at the man who used to be his wife’s best friend, the man who wanted to be his rival, but he can’t reply. His mouth is filled by the largest of the crest worms, forcing his jaw open to accommodate its girth. He vaguely wonders if this is what it feels like to give a blowjob, but he can also feel the sharp sting of teeth on his tongue, of things wriggling in the back of his throat as smaller worms burrow through his skin. 

He can’t even focus on Kariya, who is riding him, the dead and useless half of his body hanging limp at his side as he pushes him down.

At one point in his life, Tokiomi had hated Matou Kariya. He could not understand the view of a man who would give up on magecraft when he was born with such talent. He could not understand the view of a man who would focus on love and family rather than achieving greatness. He could not understand the view of a man who still treated the husband of the woman he loved with at least some modicum of respect.

 Because he did not understand, he hated. He hated Kariya’s wasted talent, the way that the man had turned back to magecraft simply because he disliked the methods of the Matou family. He hated that Kariya had the gall to question him, to insult him as a parent because he had given his daughter up to the path of greatness rather than raising her on his own as a normal person. He had ensured for her a life outside of mediocrity; a life in which she would live up to the potential that would otherwise be denied of her. Was that not what every parent would want for their child? 

It was difficult to hate Kariya now. Now that Tokiomi was being forced to take on the man’s suffering, to see how far he truly had fallen for the sake of ‘love’. To first hand experience the Matou magecraft, and know that Kariya had willingly given himself up to such a thing after abandoning it for ten years, just so he could save a child that wasn’t even his.

 It was difficult to hate the man who was on top of him, shoving him into the floor, half of his face lifeless and distorted as blood trickled out of his mouth. To feel the thousands of insects chewing through his tissue, to feel the worms ripping him apart and eating him from the inside out.

 To know that he had willingly inflicted such a fate upon his youngest daughter, while a man who was essentially a stranger had fought to save her from it.

Kariya moved, clenching down on him as he dug his fingernails into his flesh, and tears leaked from his eyes. He chanted Aoi’s name like a prayer, and Tokiomi wondered just how much of this he had had to endure as a child with Zouken. It hadn’t even been a day, and already Tokiomi wanted to die. 

 The worm in his mouth slid down his throat, forcing his esophagus open as it traveled down into his stomach, burrowing there and making itself a nice little nest. Tokiomi’s mouth fell open, and drool dribbled down his chin. He stared up at Kariya, who looked so utterly broken, and for the first time he understood exactly why Kariya had run from his duty as the Matou’s successor. For the first time he understood exactly what he had doomed his youngest child to.

But Tokiomi was a mage before he was a man, whereas Kariya was a man before he was a mage. 

“You think my daughter weak enough to be done in by this?”   

The words were sharp, and Kariya’s eyes widened. Something wriggled in Tokiomi’s skull, sliding beneath the bone and gnawing through the meat of his brain, and it was the most disgusting sensation he had ever felt. Once again, he wanted to die, if only to make the feelings stop.   

”Your underestimation of Sakura is disgusting, Matou Kariya. Because you were too weak to handle becoming the Matou family’s successor, Sakura was given that chance instead. She was given the chance to become great. Do you think that one can become great without suffering, Kariya? Without pain, one cannot advance in life. Without pain, there can be no opportunity. You wish to save my daughter when you cannot even understand such a concept?”

 His eyes narrowed as he watched Kariya crumple, his hands shaking. He watched the other man’s jaw set in anger, but Tokiomi continued. He needed to say this, to set things straight between them.

“With such a mindset, it is good that you did not become the Matou family head. Matou Kariya, you are not worthy to be a magus. No, Kariya, you are not worthy to be a human being. You do not even deserve the worms that feast upon your flesh.”


	7. Foolish Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kariya still thinks Sakura is worth saving; she disagrees.

She didn’t know if it was daytime or not. It was hard to tell anymore, after spending so much time locked underground with the worms. Time itself seemed to have become meaningless – it was easier to forget that it even existed at all. Sometimes it was easier to forget that she herself even existed. In a way, she supposed that she didn’t. The young girl called Tohsaka Sakura had long since ceased to exist. Right now she was simply a mage of the Makiri - a womb with which to give birth to an heir, a tool to help her grandfather obtain the Holy Grail.  
The young girl didn’t understand all of that. The only thing she knew was that grandfather’s orders were not to be disobeyed. In the Matou family, grandfather was god. To go against him meant death.

And yet, there was one man who didn’t understand. A man who couldn’t grasp such a fact that even a small girl, a child who had stopped existing as a human being, knew. A man who went against the Matou’s god without thought or hesitation.

She didn’t understand him. She didn’t understand why he alone still treated her like she was a thing of value, why he alone held her in his arms, why he alone treated her like he loved her.

She didn’t know why he insisted on going against grandfather.

He wasn’t a bad person. He was foolish and incomprehensible, but not bad. He spent time with her, down in the room with the worms. He comforted her when she was in pain, even though his own state was always far worse than hers.

“Why must you suffer so?” she had asked him once, even though she knew the answer. He suffered because he disobeyed the rules, because he was paying the price for going against grandfather.

“Because Berserker has to keep fighting.”

That was wrong. It was because he didn’t listen. Why couldn’t he see it? Why couldn’t he understand?

“Why?”

He looked up at her and smiled. It was an ugly smile – his face was disfigured and unattractive, and she could see the pin in his remaining working eye as he gazed up at her with an expression of love and hope.

“So I can save you.”  
The young girl stared at him, the man whose life had been ripped apart over the past year. The one thing in her new existence that she was incapable of understanding. The one man who broke the quintessential rule. The man who went against grandfather.

He was doing it for her.

Why? She didn’t understand. Why would he go so far to help her? She was beyond help. Tohsaka Sakura was a person who couldn’t be saved – she had resigned herself to that and come to terms with it long ago. Her old life was gone. Her mother and sister had abandoned her, her father had sold her. There was nobody who could help her anymore.

It was such a stupid reason. This man had gone against grandfather for something like that. She couldn’t understand. Somebody had gone against the Matou’s god in order to save her.

He was dying. He had to have known that this would be the result of his decision. Why did he throw his life away for a stupid thing like that?

I’m going to save you.

She didn’t understand.

She wasn’t worth saving.

She wasn’t worth dying for.

She wasn’t worth going against grandfather.

I’m going to save you.

Such a foolish person he was.


	8. Knot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kariya gains everything he's ever wanted, and in the end it's not enough.

“Thank you, Kariya-otousan!”

It was as though everything that he ever wanted came true at once. He had won. He’d managed to save Sakura, had managed to go back to the way things were before. He’d gone back to the beginning, before every mistake he’d ever made, had managed to fix everything that had ever gone wrong.

He started living with Aoi. She had been so happy with him for rescuing her daughter, she had forgotten about Tokiomi completely. Blessed with newfound courage, Kariya had confessed his feelings for her, and she had accepted. Sakura and Rin treated him as their father, and all memories of the grail war seemed to fade from his mind completely. Even the crest worms that had been plaguing his body had disappeared. After six weeks, the feeling in his left side had returned, and he looked much the way he had before.

The situation was perfect. He couldn’t have asked for more.

Except for the nights when he was plagued by nightmares, when he woke up in the middle of the night to find Aoi’s body cold and lifeless beside him. When his left side was scarred and paralyzed once more, and he looked up to see Tokiomi standing over him with a knife embedded in his back.

Then he would wake up again, with Aoi looking down at him with concern on her face, her hand clutching his. The girls would run into the room and jump on the bed, looking at him with concern. Sakura would crawl up to him, grabbing his little finger in her small hand, and all of his worries would flood away as he patted her head lovingly, knowing that the only reason she was free and happy was because of him. That thought alone made everything better, and he would fall back to sleep with a smile on his face.

After six months, the dreams got worse. They’d come to him every night, and each time he would take longer and longer to wake up. He’d shake Aoi’s still and lifeless body, tears flooding from his eyes as he sobbed her name, screamed for Sakura and Rin. Tokiomi would watch everything from the edge of the room silently, blood dripping from the wound in his back.

The days became harder. Kariya found himself becoming distant during the days, spending less time with his family. Aoi and the girls never seemed to notice – they treated him the same, no matter what he did.

After a year had passed, he hit Aoi for the first time.

She merely smiled back at him as though nothing had happened.  
It was then that Kariya had to face the truth, and the world shattered around him. Colour leeched from his vision, the body of the woman he loved began to melt. He reached for her, but her skin fell apart in shreds, slipping through his fingers like silk ribbons. Rin turned away from him and faded from sight, while Sakura watched him with blank, deadened eyes until her body burst. Worms exploded from her veins, devouring her flesh until nothing was left but the ribbon from her hair, tattered and torn.

Kariya clutched the ribbon tightly to his chest, tears rolling down his cheeks as he felt Tokiomi’s shadow behind him.

“You must have known that it wasn’t real.” His words aren’t accusing, and Kariya is almost surprised by how calm he sounds. But then, Tokiomi had always been like that, even in life. No matter how disgusted he was with somebody, he kept his emotions in check, always operating as a controlled and skilled mage. He was more machine than man – at times, Kariya had wondered if he even had a heart at all.

But he was right. He’d known that it wasn’t real, that it was all just a dream. He knew, deep down, that there was no way he’d ever really be able to save Sakura. It had been a doomed endeavor right from the start.

Tokiomi said nothing more as he watched, silently, waiting for Kariya to accept the truth. The truth that the fourth Holy Grail War was long since finished, and that neither of them had survived.

Kariya’s body shook, but Tokiomi didn’t move to comfort him. He held no grudge – it meant nothing now even if he had. There was no fixing what had transpired between them. Now, in this place, for the first time, they were equal. Two lost souls whose fates had been tied together in a twisted, forever-tangled knot.

Kariya had longed for what Tokiomi had. Tokiomi’s position, in death, had been usurped by Kariya’s never-fading dream. One couldn’t move on without the other, and before he could move on, Kariya had needed to accept that he was dead.

The sobbing form in front of Tokiomi now, desperately clinging to the remnants of a fading dream, could hardly be called a man.

And yet, he pitied him.

He didn’t know why. He had never felt pity for anybody in life. He’d been interested in Kariya, in a way that he couldn’t explain, but he had never pitied him. In fact, he hated the way that Kariya cursed his fate, the way he felt sorry for himself and ran from his problems rather than facing the pain of his destiny.

And yet, bitterness didn’t follow him in death. He had always imagined that after passing he would be trapped with such emotions for eternity, but it turned out that after given an indefinite amount of time to think, grudges faded quickly - particularly when he watched another man live out the happiness that he himself had once taken for granted.

But Tokiomi did not comfort him. He had no idea how to ease the suffering of a man who had lived a lie for a year, a man whose entire life had been destroyed by something that was essentially his fault. Tokiomi had long since come to face the fact that giving up Sakura to the Matou family was a mistake. He’d been shown it several times already, seeing the abuse and suffering his youngest daughter had endured before falling into darkness.

Kariya finally raised his head, and when he turned to look at Tokiomi, his eyes were the eyes of a man who had been utterly broken.

“…I couldn’t save her.” The ribbon slid out of his fingers and disappeared into the darkness as sobs racked his body.

Tokiomi watched silently. He said nothing as he watched the blood drip down Kariya’s chin, as he watched the dream disappear completely. However, he did reach out his arm, one strong hand clasping Kariya’s shoulder in a gesture of understanding, of comfort. The other man’s eyes rose up to meet his, and then he collapsed against Tokiomi’s chest, clinging to him with every last ounce of strength.

They did not like one another. They were not friends, no matter what their relationship was in the past. They were merely two broken men whose mistakes had cost them their lives, two souls who no longer had any need for hatred.

And, with the dream broken, the two of them disappeared along with it.


	9. Spring Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if he couldn't save her in the end, somebody else took up his job instead.

Cherry blossoms fluttered in the air. Two sisters stood under the rain of petals, finally able to live happily together. One girl stood, surrounded by flowers, wearing a truly happy smile. From the shadows of a nearby tree, a man watched silently, nobody taking notice of his presence.

The two girls laughed, and he smiled softly. One gnarled, scarred hand rested against the bark as he looked at the one person he’d dedicated his life to saving.

He’d failed.

But somebody had succeeded.

He had wanted to reunite her with her sister, and his wish had finally come true. A smile graced the man’s worn face as he lifted up his free hand in a wave that he knew nobody would see.

_I’m glad that you were finally saved._

The girl stopped talking to her sister, her body growing stiff as she gazed beyond the nearby trees.

“Sakura? Is something wrong? Shirou’s going to start wondering where we are, you know.” Rin’s voice pulled her out of her trance, and she blinked as she looked back to the other girl, her smile coming back to her face.

“Ah, that’s right. Nee-san, you can go ahead of me.”

Rin frowned, looking like she wanted to object, but after a moment she nodded her head and began to walk down the path to where the others were surely waiting.

Sakura stood among the flowers that shared her name, and locked eyes with the man who had tried so desperately to protect her. Her smile was warm and reassuring as she raised one hand to her chest.

“Bye-bye, Kariya-ojisan.”

The goodbye is bittersweet, and he’s shocked that she was able to notice him. Perhaps she’d known all along, that he had always been by her side, watching but powerless to help. At first, he had wanted nothing more than to save her. Then, he wanted nothing more than for her to be saved. Even in death, his devotion to the little girl who’d spent so much time alone in that basement was unwavering.

He smiles at her, and opens his mouth, even though he knows that he can’t speak. The girl feels tears building at the corners of her eyes as the figure beneath the cherry tree finally fades away.

“Sakura? Are you coming, or not?” Rin’s voice calls to her once more, and she quickly wipes her tears away. She spares the shadow of the tree one last glance, then turns away, nodding her head.

“I’m coming!”

She lifts the edges of her skirt and runs to catch up with her older sister, the final whisper of her protector echoing within her heart.

_I’m glad that you can finally be happy._


End file.
